You Live Where?!?! I SAID...I LIVE IN KOREA!!!

I feel like the last 4 months have been a whirlwind. I try to remember how things were back home and can’t really remember what it feels like to be there. I can’t feel what it’s like to be with family and old friends. I can’t feel what it’s like to live in Michigan. I think I can’t feel it anymore because Korea is my home. It’s where my heart is. I miss my family and friends, but this place is where I feel like I belong. Sometimes, I regret not extending for the whole year, but other times I am happy about my decision. I am ready to be home, but I just know the culture shock is going to be drastic. Going from a place where I understand little of what is being said, can read what things say but don’t understand it and see very few people like myself will be different. I am excited to be back in “my world”, but part of me wonders if it’s really my world anymore. Have I changed enough that Korea is my world? I have friends here. I have a life here. I have a home here. The idea of leaving all this behind is hard to comprehend. What do I do when I can’t call Gina whenever I want because we are 14 hours apart? What do I do when I don’t get to see Jack or Joo Ock on weekend in Pohang? How do I survive without Samgyeopsal Mondays with Jenna? I have come to build a routine and life in this country that I am very sad to give up. One thing that I think will be hardest to give up will be my students. Some days they are the most difficult little things to handle, but other days they make me love my life. In the last few months we have really bonded as teacher and student and have started enjoying class time more and more. I have found that using simple strategies to calm the kids down has really started to work. Once students learned the phrase “Can you ______?”, it became easy to ask the students “Students can you sit down?” and they do a good job responding. Although there are those difficult days, I never feel like nothing was done or learned. I feel like at least one student learned at least one thing every class I had. That’s all I can really ask for. Now that I only have a short time remaining to teach here I am starting to feel like I made a small difference. I like the think that maybe one or more students began to like English just a little more in my time teaching. I look forward to finishing my degree at EMU, but leaving here will certainly be bittersweet. It’s hard to say goodbye, but then again….I said that before I left too.

It’s been awhile since I last wrote. The last few weeks have been completely crazy. Between teaching, traveling and just life in general I have hardly had time to breathe. I finally got the motivation to sign up at a gym and start working out. It’s one of the things I was hoping I would do in my time here. Time seems to be going by faster and faster and I still can’t decide if I like that or not. Last week I received the information about extending my contract and staying in Korea until next July. I received the e-mail at the worst time possible I think. I was already having a hard time with leaving in less than 2 months and getting that e-mail just made me question whether going home was the right thing for me to do.

                The more time I spend in Korea, the more I love everything about it. The choice to stay or go has not been an easy one. I actually made a pros and cons list for staying and leaving. I felt that was the only way to really decide. Even though I asked my family and friends for advice, I know that this choice is ultimately mine. This past weekend I went hiking in Seoraksan National Park. It was the most incredible experience I have ever had. It was so amazing up in the mountains and just being able to breathe and think was great. It was perfect timing for the trip. I finally got to clear my head and figure out what I want. These are a few things I decided on and few things I realized I really want out of my life.

1.       I want to finish college within the next few years

2.       I want to do more volunteer work.

3.       I want to travel around my  own country and learn more about it.

4.       I want to always remember that I can be happy just being me.

5.       I want to come back to Korea after I graduate.

6.       I want to live my life on my terms and do what makes me happy.

7.       I want to always remember that I don’t need someone else to make me happy

There are a lot of things I want for my life, far too many to name. I know that being in Korea has changed me and made me a better person. It has been the best possible thing I could have ever done. I feel like I am finally a person that I want to be and look forward to my future. All I can really say is that I am the happiest I have ever been.

There are some days when I honestly feel like a complete failure as a teacher. I wonder why I am here and if my students even benefit from my lessons. I feel like I should prepare more and they should be able to speak better. Then I think about it and realize that when I try to speak Korean, I sound just like they do trying to speak English. Learning a second language is one of the hardest things to do. I know because I am trying to learn their language while they learn mine. There are days, like last Wednesday, when I want to pull my hair out. I want to scream. I want to just give up. My first and second grade students are very crazy and unruly. They don’t listen and they rarely make it through a game without running around screaming. I have yet to make it through a class where at least one student didn’t get a sticker or one didn’t get put into the corner. Sometimes it makes me feel like a mean or bad teacher, but I have to remind myself that, even with the language barrier, they know the consequences of their actions by now.

             My fifth and sixth graders are amazing. I felt bad for making them do a really boring worksheet today, but I know it can’t always be fun and games. Sometimes I have to calm them down and have them work like in a real class. They hated it though. The whole time it was one comment after another… “Miss Anna…boring…no worksheet” “Miss Anna no study at home…we study math science Korean in classroom all day” Heavens forbid I ever tell them they can take their worksheets home to look at later. I guess I should just feel good that they like my class and have fun (except the only boy Jin Hun…poor thing…but he still keeps coming). Teaching here has given me a better understanding for my friends and family that are teachers back home. I only teach in the afternoons and I am exhausted. I can’t imagine how tired they are after teaching day after day.

             Being here has made me miss my family and friends so much. I think about them every day and wish I could be back with them. Although this is an amazing experience, I am still a homebody and love being around friends and family. One of my best friends sent me a link to a song last night. It’s called “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. When I listened to it I absolutely loved it. I asked him why he sent it to me and he just said it made him think of me. I thought about the song and the lyrics and how it’s all about dying young. It made me think about whether or not I would be alright and content with my life if I died today. I feel like I have lived a lot more than many people I know. But no, I don’t want to die today because I want to live and see so many more things in this world. I want to try and make a difference. Now that I know I am capable of leaving my small little world to go other places…I want to do just that!